人心

自从工作开始越来越忙后，更新部落格的次数也越来越少。可能部分生活空间都被工作占据了吧，写出来的也只是工作，灵感不再。

偶尔上来扫灰尘时，只能把零碎的事情凑在一起成为一篇文章。
经过四月在公司里的小风波，我的意志终于动摇了。有时候不是说放弃，只是现在打工一族的判断，大部分都会建立在利益与对待方面。当感受到自己遭受到不公平对待而利益方面又没有及时得到补偿时，就可能是离开的时候。

利益对我来说还好，我个人会比较注重人事。
开始时的想法，是想再待下去，和公司一起度过这一切，尽管工作再繁重再困难，但因为我不是一个人，所以永远都有动力让我做下去。开始动摇是因为，自己感受到不公平对待。虽然对我没有直接的影响，但看着身边的人所受的待遇与付出的比较之下，心中就开始越来越失望。

一间好的公司，必须要懂得珍惜员工。一群为你拼死拼活，不计酬劳的员工。尽管职位再小的员工要离职，也必须要主动去了解关心当中的原因，而不是抱着一脸不屑的态度说出我们多的是人这一些话，那足以证明无论我为公司多么的努力卖命去做好手头上的工作，到最后还是没有人会珍惜或看见你的这一番心意。

好吧，以上所说的都不是我亲身经历的，但我会以此作为考量，来考虑这间公司是否还适合让我继续待下去。开始有了这样的想法，就会有一个大概的计划，然后心中不再彷徨下一步究竟该怎么做了。

最近看见面子书上的一片文章：一位伟大的行为艺术家麻醉自己6小时，在这6小时内让一群人们对她作出任何事。我读完之后有点震惊，因为一件很简单的事情，最后得到了一个让人心酸的结论：人心是丑恶的。

这位行为艺术家，饱受6小时的折磨，她脑袋是清醒的，流着泪就这样看着人们如何伤害她，剪破她的衣服、刺破她的皮肤，甚至有人用手枪抵着她的颈部，差一点就杀了她。

她说了一句话：为什么每个人都选择伤害，但却没有一个人给予拥抱？这句话读得我很心酸。

我也是一个人，这个实验证实了人的心是丑恶的，因此我的心也是丑恶的。
我们不干坏事，是因为人类自己定下了许多规矩让人们跟着去遵守，但干坏事的人还是有很多。

文章的另一个结论，是说这个世界上，不能够让人们自由发挥，不能够没有规矩，这样人类还能够勉强的和平共处。

这篇文章我只读了一次，但让我印象很深刻。
感谢那位伟大的行为艺术家，让我那么实在的知道这一切。

人心丑恶，但感谢还是有部分人很努力的想要做好人，包括我。
我想做一个想象中的自己，意识到自己改变时，我还是很努力的让自己做该做的事。

加油。

五月的情绪

工作越久，渐渐发觉似乎会失去越多，无论是时间，活动，还是朋友。

无可否认我的生活已经被工作填满。也不知从几时开始，我甚至连出外旅行也把电脑和工作随身携带。固定的每一天就算是周末公共假期也一定会开电脑做工，工作永无止尽的堆积着。

其实我并不害怕这样的繁忙，反而我觉得我的生活变得相当的充实。
只是，我更害怕我会因为这样而失去原本拥有的。

人非圣贤，我很想抓着我现在所拥有的，不想失去任何一方面。
但却发觉我做不到完美。

融入社会工作，我也不晓得是我的思想与身边的人是否渐行渐远，是我开始变了吗？
其实我似乎渐渐意识到，我自己走远了，我可不想这样。

我有点在无形中挣扎。突然发觉许多事情真的不在自己掌控中。
随着时间每分每秒的流逝，每一天都有不同的事情发生和应付，然后我又好像即将要回到当初那迷茫的时候。

那么快的又说一年了，我发觉我还真的蛮喜欢这份工作，只可惜，好景不长。
如果可以，我希望我可以坚持走下去，我更希望我的工作伙伴们可以陪同我一起走下去，但这些也真的不在我掌控中。

最近公司出现了一些状况，身在水深火热中，每当听见有人要离开，每当身边的他们开始在讨论，我就觉得很烦燥。我不喜欢听见那么没有士气的讨论，一边工作一边聆听大家吐出来的苦水和抱怨，我甚至有点窒息，想要逃离到一个静得无声的空间自己独处，继续手头上的工作。我明白这是一种逃避的现象。说实在的，我的心告诉我，我不想他们离开，但我什么也做不了，我更加不能自私的说出一些挽留的话，而只能精神上支持他们的决定。

这段时间就是不断说服自己去接受一个接一个的离开。
或许我也即将会踏上这条路，在我挣扎过后。

有时候很庆幸自己拥有许多正能量。有时候情绪来袭，真的很压抑时，让自己睡前哭上一场，哭得好凄凉，睡醒又是新的一天。原来坏情绪真的可以随着眼泪流出来，第二天的感觉是良好的。

最近不断想找人讲话，我知道我心中累计了太多事情，我必须一次过痛快地说出来。
找不到人时，还是很感激我妈当我的聆听者给我许多中肯的意见。
感激我还有一个生活上的精神支柱。

她说这是一个过渡时期，静下来观察，耐心等待，总会有一个完美的落幕。
我也相信，一切都会好起来。
我依然感恩我有一份让我变得更充实的工作。

加油。

What is so special about Sibu?

Last week I had been assigned to an outstation job in Sibu, Sarawak. This was the first time I been to the East Malaysia and I was quite exciting for having this chance to pay a visit to the other part of Malaysia.

The first step I stepped on Sarawak’s land was the Sibu Airport, immediately I felt the peacefulness and harmony are surrounding the town. We gonna work for 5 days in this place, and here to start our journey in Sibu.

Madam Teng was the one who is responsible to pick us up from airport and she was also the first person that has connected with us in Sibu. She is a kind and soft lady, with beautiful smile to welcome us in the airport, and started introducing to us about this small and peaceful town.

With Madam Teng

All I can conclude about Sibu if I were being questioned was that Sibu is a town that full of tasty local foods. We had never experienced starve in the past 5 days but we were asked to eat all the ways. We had our breakfast in those hawker stall every day, with a bowl of noodle and tea before we head to office to start working for the day. After few hours we will be leading to have our lunch; and again after few hours we will be leading to have our dinner. Our feeling was like: What? We gonna eat again? The breakfast we had in the morning hasn’t been digested but we were asked to go for our lunch; our breakfast and lunch haven’t been digested and we were invited to have our dinner. So all about our life over there was eating, eating and eating.

Prawn Mee - A big big prawn!

Sibu Kampua noodle

Kampua flat noodle

Kampua noodles in red

Curry laksa

Kuey Teow

Foo Chow Kom Pia

I have been eating so full for every day and reaching hotel by around 9pm or 10pm, and I have to stand and walk for at least half an hour before I took shower and rest on bed.

Very soon I could felt that my waist was getting bigger and weight was getting heavier. Oh gosh, I have to eat apple for breakfast lunch and dinner after I came back to KL, I swear.

Overall, Sibu had given me a very nice experience and great impression. Peoples over there are nice, friendly and kind. All the races were living peacefully, respectful, and simply. I really fall for this town for the simple life, this is what I always looking for and hoping for to happen in real in KL, but undeniably we still need times for evolution to become a better place.

Sibu peoples are really proud of this small and simple town. The life over there is chill and relaxes which is just so difference from the tension life in KL. The number of peoples and cars are lesser, perhaps most of the teenagers were working in cities, therefore the population is lesser in Sibu, and this does contribute to the reason why you never seen there is traffic jam in Sibu. They are tolerant and cooperative, they always have the same mindset and same dream regardless the different races and religion, I believe they always aim to have a better government, to fight for a better life for Sibu, and that is why they seen every coming state election as a big matter in Sarawak.

We enjoyed our foods and life in Sibu for the past 5 days. The foods in Sibu are quite special which we couldn’t find any in KL.

I truthfully felt the kindness and love from Sibu peoples. They are just so cute and nice in welcoming us and bringing us for good foods. I even not spending one cent for the 5 days. This is such a nice experience to me, a chance for me to see the special of Sibu, to know the people in Sibu.

We see, we listen and we learn. We had a lot of stories sharing in these 5 days. There were a lot of interesting stories from Madam Teng and her family, regarding her husband and her sons, and she takes care of us very much; the social view and experiences from Mr Eddy and his Philippine wife, a cute couple ever be. Because of him we had exposed to the local culture of Sibu, by bringing us to one of the largest market (pasar) in South East Asia, revealing the interesting part of Sibu. For example the way they sell the chickens with the chicken legs tied up, and the chicken being wrapped in spool, arranged tidily in a row. Their market is clean, hygiene and huge. 

Chicken stall

The cute hawker  

XD

Mr Andrew, a nice and soft person who led us to the project site, explained everything to us in his full patient, trying hard to introduce all the good foods to us. 

Site visit

XD

Thanks to Mr Simon, the project manager, and the boss, Mr Siah for bringing us for dinner at the last night, ordered all the famous local foods and cuisine just to let us have a try, keep asking us to eat as much as we can, keep adding the foods to our plates. Another very-full night I had in Sibu.

Curry fish head

Chinese salmon? This is really nice.

Dessert- A very tall mixed fruit ice blended.

Seriously, I do miss the 5-day life very much after I came back to KL. There is so much different between the two places. I miss the foods, the life and the peoples in Sibu. What a great exposure and memory built over there.

These are what I’ve gained in Sibu. Definitely fall for this place. Hope everything everyone is fine, hope to see them again.    

Our hotel - Kingwood

Hotel with river view at night

Breakfast nearby market

Foo Chow delicacy - Ding Bian Hu

Three of us =)

I do love my job very much, at least it allows me to see the different part, meet the different people in my life. 

I do love the people around me, they are always the good guider and people who take care of me very well.

Appreciate every single seconds we spent together, and our memories. 

一个人

会不会，突然莫名的伤感，突然的想要流泪。
会情不自禁想一些让自己伤心的事情，让眼泪顺利的流下。

情绪是一种抓不住的东西，其实明明没有那么的可怜，却把自己想象得很可怜。

因为当我感觉到离别越靠越近，我就会开始伤感。明明还不是当下就面对，但我感觉到不久后即将面对，我心里就会不舒服。尽管上一秒我们还是一起工作用餐打闹玩笑，下一秒各自回家剩下我一个人时，我就会感觉到离别离得更近了。叫自己不去想，但始终要面对的。

当我想到我的工作能力没有自己预期的好，工作状况没有自己预期的佳时，情绪就会乘虚而入。我生自己的气，在心中不断暗骂自己。告诉自己需要时间和努力锻炼，但始终不能立刻如愿。

当我知道这个世界不存在永恒，情绪就来了。
所有的永恒，好像只会存在在童话故事里，从此王子和公主快乐的生活在一起。
难怪人们都喜欢童话故事，因为现实世界没有永恒。

反而很多遗憾。
我很贪心，我希望我拥有的永远不要失去。但我自己却又做不到永恒。
就好像，我保持不了一段段的友谊。
也因此，才会有不同的人生阶段，不同的阶段不同的圈子。

我不喜欢离别，真的不喜欢。
这种感觉很揪心，很难受。
即使难受的感觉时间依旧会带走，但我还是不喜欢。

但这种不实际又抓不住的感觉，尽管弄得自己很不舒服却又不能随便到处对人说。
就算要说也不知该从何说起。
最后就只剩下一个人，默默地被情绪覆盖着，再慢慢的走出来。

只能一个人。

TARUC Convocation - Feb 2016

终于又来到了这一天。虽然不是什么特别的日子，但对另一群人来说，今天可是他们人生中一个有意义的大日子。

几年后，又一群学子毕业啦！原本我已经和校园没有联系了，但由于某位朋友是这届毕业典礼其中一个毕业生，因此我又再次踏入这可爱的校园。

几年后的今天，学院又多了一些设施和装饰，但我无福消受了。

校园里依然那么美丽，蓝天白云，感觉时间仿佛又回到了昨天。

算一算日子，我竟然离开这座象牙塔有一些日子了，感觉像是昨日才发生的事。

没关系，今天也很开心，能够再次参加这学院的毕业典礼。

一切都很熟悉，踏入这里每一幕每一个回忆都是开心的。

恭喜文霖顺利毕业。我们都毕业啦！

从中学认识至今，我们也算是见证着彼此的成长。

虽然不是每天见面，但生活中的大小事我们都不曾错过。

看着对方历年来的改变，感觉很奇妙。

但庆幸彼此依然有着联系，也希望能够一直这样维持下去。

恭喜他完成了人生中一个项目。欢迎他真正加入这个多姿多彩的世界。

愿我们继续努力成长，成为更有用的人。

My Convo, Dec 2014

His Convo, Feb 2016

P/S: 谢谢我亲爱的表哥不计天气炎热长途跋涉的陪伴。

XD